Psalm 86:15-17

"But you, O God, are both tender and kind,

not easily angered, immense in love,

and you never, never quit.

So look me in the eye and show kindness,

give your servant the strength to go on,

save your dear, dear child!

Make a show of how much you love me

so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed,

As you, God, gently and powerfully

put me back on my feet."

Psalm 86:15-17 (The Message)

I haven't blogged in awhile. I've been reading God's word, but nothing has really jumped out at me. Tonight, as I was reading Psalms, this passage struck me. 

Things here have been a bit crazy. Ok, so to be honest, I have felt pretty hopeless when it comes to my relationship with one of my children. I am weary. So, very weary. And the question has been coming to mind, "What was God thinking by calling us to this journey?!?!" 

Then, I read this passage and I was reminded, again, that God will NEVER quit on us. He called us to this adoption journey and he won't quit on us. He will give me the strength I need to go on. He will save his dear child - and I'm not thinking of myself when I read that line. God will gently and powerfully put us all back on our feet! 

And knowing this gives me the strength to keep trying despite my wondering why I even bother sometimes. I bother because I know I'm not in this alone. I know God is with me and I know that his immense love - which is indeed, tender and kind, will get us to the finish line. He doesn't just want us to survive the next few years together - he wants our years together to be filled with abundant love. 

So, if he won't quit, neither will I. I'm just so thankful that on the days where I just can't do it anymore, he will place me back on my feet and give me strength. Thank you, Jesus!

Psalm 82:11-13

"But my people didn't listen,

Israel paid no attention;

So I let go of the reins and told them, 'Run!

Do it your own way!'

"Oh, dear people, will you listen to me now?

Israel, will you follow my map?"

Psalm 82:11-14 (The Message)

This is one of the many things I love about God. He doesn't force us to obey him. He gave us "free-will". We can choose to follow his map for our lives or we can choose to go our own way. But, if we make the choice to go our own way, we darn well better not accuse him of wrong-doing if our way falls apart! Which it almost always will.

I went through a pretty dark period in my life where I literally told God to get his hands off of my life and leave me alone. He did. I can picture him now, taking a hands-off approach with such sadness in his eyes - knowing what pain was awaiting me. And boy! Did I go through some pain! My heart became bitter and dark. I wanted to spit when I heard praise music. I wanted to throw my Bible across the room whenever I saw it. I sat in church and went through the motions all the while accusing God of hypocrisy.

Do you see the amazing thing about this particular passage of Scripture? God let the reins go and allowed the Israelites to go their own way. And after they totally messed it all up, did he tell them he was staying away? Did he condemn them to a horrible life for their sin? No! He called them his "dear people" and asked them to follow him again. In fact, when I read this, I almost hear a sense of pleading in his tone. He was pleading with his people to come back to him! In fact, if you keep reading the rest of this Psalm, you'll see God telling the Israelites he'll take care of their enemies and give the Israelites a feast. 

He'll do that with us as well. If you've had enough of trying to live life on your terms, why don't you come back to the One who can make everything right in your life? The weight can be removed from your shoulders and you can have peace. All it takes is confessing your desire to do life on your terms and asking God to take the reins again. He will. And he will celebrate with you upon your return!

Proverbs 13:3

"Careful words make for a careful life; 

careless talk may ruin everything." 

Proverbs 13:3 (The Message)

If you have children, particularly a teenage daughter ;-), you probably know already, how important it is to choose your words carefully - especially when in the middle of a conflict with your teen. My daughter is my first teen and let me tell you - I have made some pretty interesting mistakes with her. The biggest being using careless talk. 

Let's look at some definitions that I feel are important for total understanding of this verse:

• Careless = spontaneous or disregarded
• Spontaneous = proceeding from natural feeling or native tendency without external constraint; arising from momentary impulse.
• Disregarded = to pay no attention to: treat as unworthy of regard or notice
• Careful =  marked by attentive concern and solicitude; marked by painstaking effort to avoid errors or omissions
• Solicitude = attentive care and protectiveness; an attitude of earnest concern or attention

Do you notice that the definition of spontaneous says "natural feeling" or "native tendency"? What I get from this is that our careless words come from our natural sin nature. It takes effort and attentiveness to use careful words. 

When I get upset with one of my kids, my natural tendency is to want to yell. I want to dish out a consequence and I want that consequence to "hurt" - not physically, but emotionally, so "maybe they'll think twice before doing whatever it is they did, in the future." Is this what God wants, though? I don't believe it is. 

I believe that God wants us to show concern for our kids, even while angry with them. Especially while angry with them. If we're careless with our speech it won't take much to destroy our relationship with our kids (or our spouses, or our friends, or our co-workers, or our neighbors, or our... you get the hint).

When I'm careless with my speech, I'm not showing attentive concern to my child. I'm showing my child that their feelings and thoughts are unworthy of my attention - when just the opposite is true! Just because I'm angry with my child, doesn't mean I stop caring about them. Or stop wanting to protect them. But, my sin nature comes in and sometimes, I just want to make them mad right back! (Yes... I have a lot of maturing to do in my heart.) 

I'm learning to be more careful with my words. When I get angry with my kids, I try to step back from the situation. I give myself a time-out. In my perfect world, that time-out would consist of me praying or repeating a Bible verse I'm trying to remember for times like this, but I'll be honest and say that sometimes, that time-out looks more like me yelling into my pillow, every spontaneous thought that comes into my head. I mean really, who out there hasn't done that from time to time? ;-)

I'm seeing that when I have an attitude of concern when it comes to what I say to my children in those times of conflict, it helps to keep everything calm. In a sense, it makes for a careful life. My kids typically don't react to my carefully chosen words in the same manner they do when I allow my spontaneous thoughts to come rushing out. They respond better, which causes me to respond better. Which keeps our lives a whole lot more peaceful!

Am I saying not to give your children consequences when they disobey? Absolutely not! But, when you're giving the consequence, choose your words wisely. Be attentive to what their body language is telling you about what and how you're saying what you say. If you need to, take a break to really think about what you're trying to say so you know that your message is coming across and not getting muddled with the emotion you might be feeling from their disobedience. And above all, make sure your love for them shines through! 

Oh - a comment I want to make that doesn't really go along with this post, but does fit with the verse: Does living a careful life mean we can't have fun? I don't see where this verse or the definitions I wrote says that. We are to protect our lives. We are to avoid errors or omissions. And we are to pay attention to our lives. So, for those who find pleasure in "living on the edge" - do it to your heart's content - just make sure you're well protected while doing so. Avoid making mistakes in your life - pretty self-explanatory. Avoid omissions - don't ever miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Don't ever miss out on something that you want to do - so long as it goes along with God's will. He wants us to live life! He wants us to experience all that life has to offer - so long as it doesn't go against His desires for your heart. And He wants us to pay attention to our lives. Don't just sit back and watch the world go by. Get out and experience life! Live a little! Have fun! Just keep your eyes on Christ while you're doing it. :-)

Mark 10:1-9

Before I begin, I need you to know that I sought my husband's permission before I shared the information that I'm sharing in this post...

This passage talks about divorce. The Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus, so they asked if he thought it was legal for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus pointed to what Moses commanded. 

"They [the Pharisees] answered, 'Moses gave permission 

to fill out a certificate of dismissal and divorce her.'

Jesus said, 'Moses wrote this command only as a concession 

to your hardhearted ways. In the original creation, 

God made male and female to be together. Because of this, 

a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage 

he becomes one flesh with a woman - no longer two individuals, 

but forming a new unity. Because God created this organic union 

of the two sexes, no one should desecrate 

his art by cutting them apart.'"

Mark 10:4-9 (The Message)

This isn't going to be post about anyone who might be reading this. This is a post about me and my husband and our marriage to each other. 

When we got married, we decided to ban the "D" word. If we didn't allow ourselves to use this word, we couldn't allow ourselves to ever get one of these. And it was great... for a time. Then some things happened that caused me to re-think our decision to ban the use of this word. My husband, who had over 15 yrs sober from alcohol, started to drink again. I honestly never thought we'd ever have to deal with this issue and didn't know how to handle it because I didn't know my husband when he was a drinker. He sobered up long before we even met. So, I was clueless as to what to expect. Was he a depressed drinker? Was he a black-out drinker? Was he a violent drinker. To say I was scared is an understatement. 

At first, I stood by him. I tried to support him. But, oh! If I smelled alcohol on his breath, I would LOSE it. I'd get so scared and it would come out as anger. I'd guilt him. I'd shame him. I'd threaten him. "If I smell booze, you can sleep out in the camper!" But, nothing worked. He kept right on drinking. Then, I wizened up. I decided to throw the "D" word out there. I "knew" if I used that word, he would know just how serious I was. But, even that didn't work. I was stumped! All these years, all it took, was me raising my voice a little bit and he'd usually cave and do what I wanted. Why wasn't he caving now? What was "I" doing wrong? Why wasn't "I" enough? I even used our kids in my shaming attempts. Nothing worked. 

I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings and, while they were really good, they reminded me too much of the cult I was in when I was a teen so I got triggered there quite a bit. It just got to be too much for me to go. But, I read their literature and I knew a lot of the principles because of my past experiences in life. I decided I needed to take care of myself and our kids and let my husband do what he needed to do. But, I also started to seriously think about divorce. 

There. I said it. And I lived. The earth didn't cave in around me. And God didn't strike me dead for speaking the word out. I needed to think about it. Seriously think about it because if things continued down the path they were going - I was going to need to leave my husband. Oh, how that shattered my heart! 

But, I just kept doing what I needed to do for me. I was already seeing a great Christian therapist, so I kept seeing her. I confided in friends. I stopped hounding my husband about his drinking. Quite frankly, I just didn't want to know anymore. I stopped sniffing as he walked by me to see if I could catch a whiff of anything. I just did what I needed to do for me and our kids. 

It took my husband's boss talking to him and putting him on probation at work for him to start looking at quitting drinking. He's been dry for several months now. I am unable to say he's been "sober" because he's not going to meetings and he's not really allowing God in his life right now. However, I can say that he is trying to be a good husband and father. He's much more present than he was. He laughs more. He's not as angry all the time. Well, unless he thinks about a certain situation in his life, then the bitterness begins to set in and I start to worry about him taking another drink. But, I just keep putting him, and this situation, in God's hands. He's got it under control.

What my husband IS doing is wonderful! He is going to church again. He's attending a Bible Study with me every week. He's attending the Men's Breakfast at our church. He's meeting with the elders in the church and opening up to them so he has someone who can keep him accountable. He's seeing my therapist occasionally. He is doing his best and I am so very proud of him. 

I'm getting glimpses of my old husband again, so I know he's still in there. And I have decided to, once again, remove the "D" word from my vocabulary. Do I believe there are times where a divorce is necessary. Yes, I do. But, I do not believe it is necessary for my marriage anymore and I pray it stays that way. God's desire isn't for marriages to end in divorce. But, if your marriage did or is, know that He still loves you and is still right by your side. He will get you through this, if you let him.

Proverbs 3:27a

"Never walk away from someone who deserves help; 

your hand is God's hand for that person." 

Proverbs 3:27a (The Message)

Your hand is God's hand for that person, but it's also a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone you might not have ever known. 

I met Sharon one day as I was driving down the road in the middle of the hot summer. Sharon was walking along the side of the road struggling to carry some plastic grocery bags. I was on my way somewhere and at first I thought, "I don't have time to help her right now. Besides, she's a stranger and this day and age, one shouldn't pick up strangers." Then I realized I had our rather large dog with me in the car. So, I decided to take the risk and offer Sharon a ride. 

She was so thankful for my help! And she didn't live far from where we were at all. We chit-chatted for a bit, she said, "God bless you for your help." I said, "God bless you too!" and we parted ways.

Several months later, I was again, driving down the road. Only this time it was bitter cold and it was snowing. Lo and behold - who did I see walking down the road but Sharon. Without hesitating this time, I picked her up and gave her a ride. I was on my way to bring my daughter her lunch she had forgotten at home and had my middle son (whom I home school) in the car with me. She just needed to go to the bank and to the grocery store. So, we ran over to the school, brought my daughter her lunch and then took Sharon to do her errands. Only this time, I remembered to give her my number and told her to call me if she ever needed a ride again. She, in turn, gave me her number and said if I'm ever going to the mall to give her a call as she liked to go there sometimes but didn't have transportation. (As a side-note, the only transportation our town has is a taxi-cab, which gets pretty expensive.) 

Again, a couple months go by and today I decided to take my middle son shopping for some clothes at the mall, but I'm in a bit of a hurry so don't call Sharon because I didn't know how long she would want to be there. Guess who I saw walking down the road as we headed out? Yup. Sharon! I took that as a sign and picked her up again. We ran to her bank and then she joined us for our trek to the mall. I'm so thankful I picked her up today! I learned so much more about her and what a wonderful woman she is! 

I think a real friendship is going to blossom from these encounters. :-)

Just a note: Do I think it is wise to just randomly pick up strangers as you're driving? No, I do not. But, when you hear that still, small voice and you know you can keep yourself safe then I think it's fine. Do I recommend young people, such as teenagers do this? No way! The only reason I did it the first time was because I had my dog with me and I know she'd protect me. Upon getting to know her, I discovered her to be a very sweet, little lady. I would not, however, ever pick up a man when I'm alone, nor would I pick up a woman if I got any strange feelings about her. God gave us intuition and mine seems to be pretty right on, so I'll just keep trusting God to lead me to whom I should or shouldn't help. :-)

Matthew 26:39

"...He fell on his face, praying, 'My Father, if there is any way, 

get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what 

do YOU want?'" Matthew 26:39 (The Message)

In Matthew 26 Jesus goes to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. It is while he is there that we see that Jesus is suffering because he knew he was about to die a violent and horrible death. I believe he was feeling raw fear here. This just proves to me that Jesus knew all our emotions and he knew fear quite well. 

Why was he afraid when he knew what the final outcome was going to be? Because he was here as the SON of God. At this point, he was human and despite having the ability to make all his suffering stop, he continued on because he knew it was God's will and he knew that his suffering would cause all who believe in him to have life eternal with God in Heaven. 

Why do "I" get afraid when I know what the final outcome is for my life? Because "I" am human and I don't have the ability to make it all stop. But, I believe in a powerful God who will give me the strength to face whatever I need to face in this life. 

Now to remember this the next time I'm faced with with a situation that brings me fear...