Proverbs 15:23

"Congenial conversation - what a pleasure!

The right word at the right time - beautiful!"

Proverbs 15:23 (The Message)

Congenial conversation. I've had a lot of that lately having our friends staying with us! It's been such a gift for me to have another adult woman in my home! I enjoy the conversations we have with each other because we feel the same about so many things. However, there are a couple things we don't feel the same about and before realizing we don't feel the same about them, I have opened my mouth and inserted my foot. Thankfully, my friend understands that we're not going to enjoy the same things or agree with the same thing. I just wish I'd think before I speak because I realize now that the comments I have made have been rather judgmental towards certain people. (For instance, my view on motorcycles.) 

I used to be a very judgmental person and have changed quite a bit. In fact, I thought I had gotten rid of all judgmental attitudes (except towards myself *sigh*) before realizing that I've made at least two very judgmental comments in the presence of my dear friend. And I could feel the tension when I did it. I did tell her I hoped my words didn't offend her and she said no, but this Proverb stuck out at me tonight. I guess I need to work on that judgmental attitude a bit more after all. 

Thank you, Lord, for revealing my sin to me before I cause anyone serious hurt in my home and in my life today. Help me to stop before I speak if my words have the risk to sound judgmental or may hurt someone else. May my words be pleasurable and not hurtful. 

Proverbs 11:25

"The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed;

those who help others are helped."

Proverbs 11:25 (The Message)

I've already written thoughts on this verse so I wasn't sure I should write more, but as I started to delete what I wanted to write, I felt a strong pull to continue writing, so here goes:

My husband and I were blessed to make some good money a few years ago. Because of that, we were able to buy some things that we now wouldn't have been able to buy. A boat (which doesn't run right now lol) and a camper are two of those things we were able to buy. They were paid for with cash, so we didn't go in debt for them. And what a blessing they have been! (Ok, so the boat isn't such a blessing right now since it doesn't run, but the little time that it did, it blessed our family a lot!)

We've been able to go camping a lot - sometimes in spots where we have to pay, but most of the time we go where it's free. Free fun with the family - what more could a parent ask for?! We have had so much fun getting that camper in and out of spots that are... well... a tad frightening trying to get in and out of! But, the thing that blesses me the most about having the camper is being able to open our home to friends who need a temporary home for a time. In doing so, we have not just been a blessing, but we are getting abundantly blessed by getting to know our friends in more intimate ways. We now have 3 families who are not just our friends, but our family, due to us opening our home to them. Talk about being blessed!

We have family members we are related to - some of whom we are close to and some of whom we are quite distant to. But, now? We have 20.5 new family members on top of the family we already had! That's 3 new brothers, 3 new sisters, 7 new nieces and 7 new nephews with one new niece or nephew on the way (thus the .5).

Tell me... who's more blessed? The friends we were able to help out? Or the friends who gained 20.5 family members in the process?

Helping others is a wonderful thing! Thank you Lord for blessing us so that we can bless others and get even more blessed in the process!

Proverbs 27:17

"You use steel to sharpen steel,

and one friend sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:17 (The Message)

Do you have wise friends in your life? Friends who challenge you and stimulate thought? Not necessarily friends who think the same as you or even believe the same as you. But, friends who make you think? I do. I haven't met many of them in real life (IRL), but I know many of them better than certain family members of mine. 

These friends have been here for me through so many things - difficult times and times filled with joy. We have disagreed with each other and we have even "shared words", if you know what I mean. Sometimes I've had to "walk away" for a breather, but I'm always drawn back in by their love and acceptance - and their ability to quickly forgive when I've done one of them wrong. They have taught me much about my Christian walk and they've helped deepen my faith in God, as well as strengthen my knowledge of Him. They challenge me to be a better person and they teach me wonderful things - as well as some really odd things that are way TMI for this blog! ;-) 

This post is for them. My Sonlight Sisters. They have taught me what being a Christian sister is all about and best of all - they accept me for who I am - flaws and all. 

Sonlight Sisters - I love you all deeply. Thank you for being who you are - for challenging me and for teaching me - and even for allowing me to teach you from my limited knowledge from time to time. ;-) I am a better wife, mother, friend, daughter and person because of you ladies. May you all be as blessed as you have blessed me!

Proverbs 11:14

"Without good direction, people lose their way; 

the more wise counsel you follow, 

the better your chances." 

Proverbs 11:14 (The Message)

Accountability. That's what I get from this verse. Do you have anyone you need to be accountable to? Your spouse, perhaps. When we're young we're accountable to our parents. What about someone outside of your family, who helps keep you on track. People in Alcoholics Anonymous have sponsors that they're accountable to. People in Weight Watchers are accountable to someone. But, what about us folks who aren't in programs like those? Who do we turn to, outside of our family, for accountability? 

I'm sure everyone reading this is thinking I'm looking for the one answer that's always right: Jesus. And that is correct. But, I'm talking about a person who we see, in the here and now, in flesh and bone. Yes, Jesus is the ultimate accountability partner, but I'm talking about another person that we can meet with face-to-face. We need wise counsel and good direction from fellow believers. 

I have a few close friends I can turn to for accountability. And my husband and I were just invited to a discipleship group at our church, which we're doing. I have also attended another women's group which is great for accountability for me. So, I do have a few things, but I haven't always used them to keep me accountable. I don't open up and share what's really on my heart with them. Well, I do, at times, with my close friends, but not often enough. 

What holds me back? Fear. Oh man - there's that 4-letter word again! I get afraid to let people in too close because I don't want to be judged. Because, like so many humans, I want to look good. "I can't let people know what I'm struggling with because they might not think I'm as good a Christian as I want them to think!" When I think like this, I'm no better than a Pharisee. They looked oh, so holy on the outside, but on the inside they were rotting flesh. And that's what I'm like when I don't allow people in and seek wise counsel. 

Does this mean I should just bear my heart and soul to everyone I know? Of course not. We need to determine who is a safe person for us - someone who doesn't gossip would be a great choice! Someone who is following the Lord, so that when we're struggling, they will keep our eyes focused on Christ. Someone who has walked the paths we're walking in our lives. And it can be more than one person. I have friends I turn to for different things. Friends who have adopted, get my adoption-related questions. Friends who have older teens, get my teen-related questions. Friends who have walked the path of a loved-one's addiction get my 'having-an-alcoholic-husband' questions. 

It is so important to have people in our lives who can help keep us on the right path. We can't afford to lose our way in this life! There are too many treacherous things out there. We need to keep wise people in our lives so our chances of making it through this life are better. Those wise people need to be people who have a relationship with the Lord, because there ARE going to be times where we wander from the path and get lost, and we're going to need people with strong faiths to get us back on track. 

I am so grateful to all the people I'm blessed to have in my life who have walked the treacherous path with me and have lovingly brought me back to the right path time and time again.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21

"Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. 

Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. 

Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, 

sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them 

from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. 

Inscribe them on the doorposts and gates of your cities 

so that you'll live a long time, and your children with you, 

on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors 

for as long as there is a sky over the Earth." 

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (The Message)

This is where I have failed my children. I started out with great aspirations of doing this - telling my children all about God and his wonderful deeds. And then my faith took a nose-dive. I couldn't talk about God's wonderful deeds, because I wasn't seeing any wonderful deeds. My eyes were blind to them. Blinded by grief and bitterness. 

I did do what I could do, however, and that was to make sure my kids made it to church and youth group. Yes, I know it's the parents' responsibility to teach our children about the Lord, but when I just couldn't do it, I HAD to rely on others to do for me what I couldn't do myself. I have been so blessed to have solid Christian believers in our lives. Those believers kept my kids on the right path and I am so incredibly grateful to all those who touched our lives during my period of darkness. 

They helped me see that raising a family takes a community of believers. We all need to help each other when we're in the pit. I pray that I have helped someone else's child the way so many in my life have helped mine! So, to all my kids' youth leaders, Sunday school teachers, pastors, and friends... thank you for caring and for taking the time to shower my kids with God's love and compassion! I love you all so very, very much!

Proverbs 3:27a

"Never walk away from someone who deserves help; 

your hand is God's hand for that person." 

Proverbs 3:27a (The Message)

Your hand is God's hand for that person, but it's also a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone you might not have ever known. 

I met Sharon one day as I was driving down the road in the middle of the hot summer. Sharon was walking along the side of the road struggling to carry some plastic grocery bags. I was on my way somewhere and at first I thought, "I don't have time to help her right now. Besides, she's a stranger and this day and age, one shouldn't pick up strangers." Then I realized I had our rather large dog with me in the car. So, I decided to take the risk and offer Sharon a ride. 

She was so thankful for my help! And she didn't live far from where we were at all. We chit-chatted for a bit, she said, "God bless you for your help." I said, "God bless you too!" and we parted ways.

Several months later, I was again, driving down the road. Only this time it was bitter cold and it was snowing. Lo and behold - who did I see walking down the road but Sharon. Without hesitating this time, I picked her up and gave her a ride. I was on my way to bring my daughter her lunch she had forgotten at home and had my middle son (whom I home school) in the car with me. She just needed to go to the bank and to the grocery store. So, we ran over to the school, brought my daughter her lunch and then took Sharon to do her errands. Only this time, I remembered to give her my number and told her to call me if she ever needed a ride again. She, in turn, gave me her number and said if I'm ever going to the mall to give her a call as she liked to go there sometimes but didn't have transportation. (As a side-note, the only transportation our town has is a taxi-cab, which gets pretty expensive.) 

Again, a couple months go by and today I decided to take my middle son shopping for some clothes at the mall, but I'm in a bit of a hurry so don't call Sharon because I didn't know how long she would want to be there. Guess who I saw walking down the road as we headed out? Yup. Sharon! I took that as a sign and picked her up again. We ran to her bank and then she joined us for our trek to the mall. I'm so thankful I picked her up today! I learned so much more about her and what a wonderful woman she is! 

I think a real friendship is going to blossom from these encounters. :-)

Just a note: Do I think it is wise to just randomly pick up strangers as you're driving? No, I do not. But, when you hear that still, small voice and you know you can keep yourself safe then I think it's fine. Do I recommend young people, such as teenagers do this? No way! The only reason I did it the first time was because I had my dog with me and I know she'd protect me. Upon getting to know her, I discovered her to be a very sweet, little lady. I would not, however, ever pick up a man when I'm alone, nor would I pick up a woman if I got any strange feelings about her. God gave us intuition and mine seems to be pretty right on, so I'll just keep trusting God to lead me to whom I should or shouldn't help. :-)

Proverbs 27:9

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend

is as sweet as perfume and incense."

Proverbs 27:9 (NLT)

Ahhhhh... I can attest the truthfulness of this Proverb. Last night (Jan. 26, 2012) I bared my soul to my dearest friend about something I wrote about here, but was unable to write about. I've decided I'm not going to share that here on this blog. Perhaps someday I'll change my mind, but it's just a bit too personal to put on on the worldwide web.

I felt the Lord guiding me to share this information with my friend, Terri so I could get the opinion of someone who isn't trained (and paid) to make me feel better (my Christian counselor). I needed to know if the things my counselor was telling me were really true or if she was just saying what she thought I needed to hear.

So, I bared my soul to Terri. My emotional self was so scared to broach this subject with her. But, my spiritual self kept reminding me that the Lord pushed me to do this, so he would be with me. I just let it all out and then sat back - knowing, in my heart, that she wouldn't condemn me, but being afraid, in my mind, that she might think I was a loser.

And just like the smell of sweet perfume can make you melt in comfort, the words my dear friend shared with me made me feel like I was floating in a room full of incense. There was no condemnation. There was no judgment. There was acceptance; there was compassion; there was understanding; and there was love. She gently corrected me on some of the things I believed that she felt were not quite right (such as me saying all I needed to do was ask for God's forgiveness and he'd forgive me. She said he has already forgiven me.)

I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and that I didn't have to carry the guilt and shame I had been carrying for over 20 yrs any longer. I have been forgiven and I am on the way to forgiving myself. I can't say I'm quite there, yet, but I'm a lot farther than I was yesterday afternoon, that's for sure!

I have said it before and I'll keep on saying it: I am so blessed to have the friends that I have. And my friendship / sisterhood with Terri is one of the things in my life that I'm so incredibly grateful for! This blog post is for you, my sister! I love you!

Proverbs 14:10

"The person who shuns the bitter moments of 

friends will be an outsider at their celebrations." 

Proverbs 14:10 (The Message)

There is nothing more painful than a friend walking away during a time in your life when you need them the most. I am so incredibly blessed to have the friends I have today - friends who have stuck by my side through all the ugliness in my life. The bitterness, the anger, the rage. They have stuck with me, prayed for me and had a shoulder for me when I've needed one. And today, they DO get to celebrate with me. They get to celebrate as I come to know Christ in a whole new way and as so many things in my life are getting better and better. Thank you to all my friends!