2 Kings 1:3

"...Is there no God in Israel? 

Why are you going to Baal-zebub,

the god of Ekron, 

to ask whether he (King Ahaziah) will recover?"

2 Kings 1:3 (NLT)

This verse is being spoken to King Ahaziah after he fell off a balcony in his home. He sent his messengers to consult Baal-Zebub rather than have them consult God. For consulting a false God rather than the One true God, Ahaziah never again left his bed until the day he died. 

What does that have to do with us today? I think it has a lot to do with us! How often do we seek other people's advice before going to the Lord for direction? If you're anything like me - you almost always go to others first. This has convicted me that from now on, I go to God first. 

Does this mean I can never seek the counsel of anyone else? Absolutely not! God can use other people to direct us in his ways, just as he used prophets in Biblical days. I have some very wise people in my life and I know they would lead me down God's path. But, sometimes I rely on those people too much. Sometimes I seek their advice, never seeking God's advice. 

So, for me, I'm going to start taking my questions and concerns to the Lord and if I need further direction, then I will seek out the wisdom of my friends. I need to start to rely on God more. He is truly the only One who will never let me down.

Luke 12:25

"Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten 

taller by so much as an inch? 

If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all?"

Luke 12:25 (The Message)

Oh my! This verse just popped out at me tonight! In context, this is talking about not being worried about having enough or getting more because God loves you so much that he'll provide for all our needs. 

But this verse... Wow. 

I've had some medical issues for a couple years now. Asthma, a difficult pregnancy which led to bedrest and my 8th miscarriage, and mono. All things that have kept me down, unable to do any sort of exercising. Add that to being in my mid - Ok. Fine... LATE 30s and I've put on some weight. And for a person who suffered from an eating disorder for most of her young adult life, this added weight can cause me some angst at times.

Thankfully, the Lord has pretty much healed me from the eating disorder, but Satan knows where I'm weak so he likes to attack my thoughts and get me being critical about my weight gain. It doesn't help that, according to Wii Fit, I am considered "overweight". (To which my amazingly wonderful, awesome children yell at the TV, "NO SHE'S NOT!" I love them, but I'm sad to say - the Wii Fit is correct. I AM a bit overweight right now.)

We don't have many large mirrors in our house. Not on purpose - it's just sort of worked out that way. But, there are times I get dressed in front of my dresser mirror and when I catch a glimpse of my body, I fret. I pinch. I examine. And I hate. *sigh* 

But, the Word of the Lord is correct - like it always is. Is all my fretting going to take any inches off my belly? Not a chance. So why fret? I literally cannot do any exercising right now or I could have a serious mono set-back. On top of that I'm dealing with a respiratory illness which could trigger my asthma at any moment. So, for me to try to exercise right now would be detrimental to my health - and isn't my ultimate goal to be healthy - in ALL ways? 

So, I focus on what I can do. When I crave sweets, I'm trying to reach for fruit instead of chocolate. I don't always succeed, but I'm eating more fruits now than I ever have before. I try to get outside every day to get some sun. I'm starting to go for short walks - when the weather behaves. So, that's taking care of my physical health. 

I'm trying to get to bed earlier - which I'm not getting done tonight, but I'm going to afternoon church tomorrow, so I can enjoy the chance to sleep in, in the morning. I'm listening to a quiet meditation every night when I go to sleep that is designed to heal depression/grief/trauma so I'm learning how to breathe better and relax. I'm working on keeping myself calm when things are stressful with any of my kids. All of which is taking care of my emotional health.

And for my spiritual health I'm reading my Bible every day. I'm listening for how God speaks to me. And I'm spending more time in prayer. I'm working on getting to church more often and now that we've found a church home that I love, that's easier for me to do. So, my spiritual health is really my best thing right now. 

Considering that's the most important thing, who cares if my waist is several inches more than it used to be? I can work on that WHEN I am physically healthy enough to do it. But, my heart is with the Lord so I have all that I need. 

Psalm 73:21-26

"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,

and I was all torn up inside.

I was so foolish and ignorant - 

I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

Yet I still belong to you;

you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

leading me to a glorious destiny.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

I desire you more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

but God remains the strength of my heart;

he is mine forever."

Psalm 73:21-26 (NLT)

Oh boy - do I know the pang of bitterness! The psalmist gets it right when he says he was "all torn up inside". That's exactly how it feels. You know what you're feeling is wrong, but the more you try to fight it, the worse the bitterness becomes. It gets so strong you can taste it. And the thoughts it leaves you thinking; the feelings it leaves you feeling... well... it's like you're being taken over by the bitterness monster of stench. And you can't just wash it off of yourself. 

Yet, despite how bitter my heart was becoming, God still claimed me for his own. He still guided me, when I would let him, to what I'm trusting will be a glorious destiny. God never gave up on me during that time of bitterness. People did. People I never thought would leave my side left me standing with my mouth gaping open in shock. But, the Lord my God, never, ever left me. Oh - I left him for a time, but he was always there, waiting ever-so patiently for me to return to him. 

People may fail me. My own mind and body may fail me. But, my God "remains the strength of my heart." He is mine forever. And no one can take him away from me. My Lord, My God - I do desire you more than anything on earth!

Luke 11:10-13

"Don't bargain with God. Be direct.

Ask for what you need.

This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in.

If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, 

do you scare him with a live snake on his plate?

If your little girl asks for an egg, 

do you trick her with a spider?

As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing - 

you're at least decent to your own children.

And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love

will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?"
Luke 11:10-13 (The Message)

I have struggled with this passage in the past. It seemed so much like whatever I asked for, God did the opposite. Especially when it came to being pregnant. I still don't have the answers as to why he answered my prayer to have a healthy baby with the death of so many of my babies, but I do know that when I asked for the Holy Spirit's help, He was there. He carried me through the pain and bitterness that came after the loss of my babies and he has brought me to a new understanding of his love for me. 

Is it fair that I lost so many babies when women who do drugs during their pregnancies or go on to abuse their children got to keep their babies? No. But, do I know God's plan for those babies who were born into this world? No. Who am I to question what he does? God sees everything from a totally different perspective than I do and while I would love to sit down with him and demand to know the answers, I also know that when I get to heaven I will be with my Father and none of this will even matter anymore. I will be with God and that's all that I'll need.

Proverbs 14:12-13

"There's a way of life that looks harmless enough; 

look again - it leads straight to hell. 

Sure, those people appear to be having a good time, 

but all that laughter will end in heartache." 

Proverbs 14:12-13

There have been so many celebrity deaths lately and I can't help but think of this verse when I think of them all. I am, in no way, saying I think these celebrities are in hell - only God knows their hearts and where they stood with Jesus. But, I do know that the way they lived their lives was hellish. 

• Former Weezer bassist Mikey Welsh died from a suspected drug overdose in a Chicago hotel room.
• Amy Winehouse - lived a party lifestyle, drinking and doing drugs and was only 27 years old when she died. 
• Mike Starr was the original bassist in rock band Alice in Chains and suffered from a heroin addiction.
• Elizabeth Taylor was married 8 times in her life. 
• Yvette Vickers was found after she had been dead for nearly a year. Imagine - no one notices your missing for a whole year? What a lonely life!
• Michael Jackson who spent his life trying to change himself and basically living in hiding. 
• Whitney Houston who battled a drug addiction for most of her career. 

Their lives, outside of the addictions, divorces and lack of self-esteem looked pretty harmless. They were having fun making lots of money, gaining lots of fame. But, their lives were a pathway to hell. Alcohol, drugs, failed marriage after failed marriage, hating themselves. Was there even a time in their lives when their laughter was real? Or were they living in utter heartbreak? Of course, I can't know as I am not them, but I can say that aside from the insane amounts of money they made, our lives are not much different. 

When we go after fame and fortune, our focus gets skewed. We think, "If I just have this amount of money, I'll be happy." If we're fortunate enough to get the amount of money we think we need, it doesn't take long for us to start living outside of our means and then we think, "If I just have this amount of money, I'll be happy." And for some of us, if we can't find happiness in money, we turn to outside things to make us happy - maybe we fall into drugs, alcohol, shopping addictions, sex, etc. 

But, none of it brings true joy. Our lives become empty - a living hell. That's why we need Jesus. Jesus is the only way to true joy. And with Jesus, I can have joy in the midst of turmoil - because my joy doesn't come from outside things. It comes from within - the Holy Spirit who lives inside of me. 

So, other people can have all the fame and fortune their hearts desire. My heart desires one thing and one thing only. To be in relationship with Jesus Christ. Without him, my life leads me straight to hell.

Psalm 49:16-20

"So don't be impressed with those who get rich and pile up fame and fortune. 

They can't take it with them; fame and fortune all get left behind. 

Just when they think they've arrived and folks praise them 
because they've made good, 

they enter the family burial plot 
where they'll never see sunshine again. 

We aren't immortal. We don't last long. 

Like our dogs, we age and weaken. And die." 

Psalm 49:16-20 (The Message)

Ahhhh... being rich and famous. Who doesn't dream of that when they are young children? Who doesn't long for it when they're young adults struggling to pay their bills for the first time? And then, we grow up and reality smacks us in the face.

Rich and famous? For most of us, that's a pipe dream. And can I just say how thankful I am that it's not a dream that came true for me? My husband and I have always had more than enough. We never really wanted for much and were able to get pretty much what we wanted. Then, the economy dropped. My husband took a massive pay cut and suddenly, I'm finding myself cutting coupons and trying to save every penny I can. At first I thought it stunk, but now... I think I like this way of life better.

I see people around me struggling to keep up with the "Joneses" and yes... on the outside it looks quite desirable. They have a big house (that isn't falling apart at the seams.) They have nice cars (That don't have over 100,000 miles on them - or close to it). They might have a boat (that actually works!) and/or a huge RV (with a hot water tank that doesn't leak all over the place). They might get to take fancy vacations and parents might get to go away for weekends alone as much as they want. It sounds dreamy, doesn't it?

But, I wonder... how many of those people aren't in debt up to their ears? Did they buy those nice things with cash? Or put it all on credit? Are they now, in this economy, struggling to figure out how they're going to pay for all these things? Are they actually enjoying their fancy vacations or are they so stressed that they can't even stop to really enjoy where they are? Are their kids getting to spend enough time with their parents?

Sure, maybe some of them are and I'm not saying that if you have a lot of money, you're a horrible person. I'm talking to those of us who covet what our neighbor has. We have a boat. It doesn't run right now, but it's paid for. I see our neighbors boat and I get a twinge of jealousy. We have a small camper. It has no hot water heater for the shower or to wash dishes, but it's paid for. I see these brand-spankin' new RVs and think how awesome it would be to have something that's big and has hot water to boot! We have three vehicles. One that is our "fancy" vehicle and is costing us half of our mortgage every month. And two that are paid off, although, even "I" admit I'm a bit embarrassed to drive around in one of them due to the color of it. (Can't we just paint it, already?!?!?! LOL) I see families with normal colored vans and think how nice it would be to have one of those. Or to have their "fancy" vehicle that doesn't have two smashed bumpers in the back.

And then I read this verse and realize, as my dear friend so eloquently stated as we watched Madonna perform during the Super Bowl, "They're having their heaven on earth." They can't take this stuff with them when they die. It ALL has to get left behind. We ARE immortal. In the grand scheme of things, we DON'T last long. We age. We weaken. And eventually we will die. So who really cares if my house isn't perfect? Who really cares if my cars aren't perfect? Who really cares if my RV isn't shiny and huge?

We are building relationships with our children with our little camper. With our scratched up "fancy" vehicle - because we use it for what it was built for - a 4-wheel drive. With our boat - when we can get it running. Those memories will last so much longer than anything else. We make memories with our kids by going camping - for free! Playing every Uno game known to man at home. Going hiking in the woods. I wouldn't give those times up for the fanciest European vacation! I do get some mini-vacations with my husband, but the best vacation I had with him was last year. We went to a bed & breakfast for a night, just the two of us, to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. The next day, while I was still sleeping, my husband went back to our home, got our kids, came back and moved us into a cozy cabin for the rest of the weekend. It was wonderful!!!! The memories we made with them that weekend was worth more to me than anything else!

I have a happy marriage. I have amazing kids. I have a house that keeps me warm. I have a car that gets me where I need to go. The rest is all extras, that I can live without. I am aging. I am weakening. I am going to die. Before that happens, I plan to be happy with what I have. So, if you ever hear me saying, "I wish I had..." please, just smack me and direct me back to this blog post. :-)

Psalm 33:20-22

"We're depending on God; he's everything we need. 

What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken 

for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got - 

that's what we're depending on." 

Psalm 33:20-22 (The Message)

God IS everything I need. I have many... too many... wants, but all that I need is in Him. My body can fail me. My friends can fail me. My family can fail me. If I have God, I can get through any of it.