Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. 

Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, 

is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. 

He won't let you down; he won't leave you." 

Deuteronomy 31:6 (The Message)

Have you ever been afraid? I mean, really afraid? Where the panic sets in, you can't breathe, and the room starts spinning, afraid? That has got to be the worst feeling in the world. Especially when you don't even know what you're afraid of. The panic just takes over and all you can feel is fear. 

I've had to do some things in the last few years that have been terrifying for me. Therapy forces you to look at the dark places in your life; places that you've been trying to hide from for a long time, years sometimes. Decades even. It's terrifying to go to those places. I've run from it at times. I've refused to talk about it at times. I've regretted opening my mouth about certain things from my past. But, the thing that has gotten me through it all is this verse. (Only I usually sing the song I taught my kids for this verse "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.") 

When I remember to be strong. When my therapist reminds me that the past can't hurt me anymore. When I can look fear in the face and know that God is going ahead of me through this dark place, bringing Light unto it, then I can face the fear and do what I need to do. I'm still trying to get to the place where I don't give it a second thought, but hey - I'm a work in progress. :-) 

I don't have to be afraid of the people who hurt me when I was a child. I don't have to be intimidated by the group I was in as a teen. They can't touch me anymore. God is with me and with his strength, with his courage, I can have healing in my life. And God will not let me down. He will be by my side through the entire process. Thanks be to God!

Deuteronomy 13:8, 10

"...don't go along with him; shut your ears... 

He tried to turn you traitor against God, your God..." 

Deuteronomy 13:8, 10 (The Message)

These bits of verses are talking about if anyone tries to get you to turn away from God and/or worship other Gods. God tells us to stone the people to death who try to do this, but this day and age, we can't really do that and not get arrested, however, we can shut our ears to it and walk away.

I had this happen to me when I was a young adult, about the age of 19. I was involved in a cult for teens - that's a story for another time - but the head of this cult was a man who didn't have time for Christians. And I was a Christian. I may not have acted very much like one, but I still believed in my heart that Jesus was my Lord and Savior. I just wasn't allowed to talk about it much in this group or I'd get mocked and ridiculed.

I was living in California, very active in this cult - had moved away from my family in the hopes that doing so would gain me "points" in this group. I lived there for several months and I had a psycho roommate who caused me to call my dad numerous times to come get me, only to be talked out of it by one of the group's "counselors". One time my dad even came to get me (we lived in another state) and by the time he got there, I told him I had changed my mind. I can't imagine how frustrated he must have been!

Finally, the thing that got me to leave the cult, once and for all, was one night I was invited to the house of the leader of the group for dinner. I remember thinking how awesome it was that I was getting to eat at his house. The dinner was great. The conversation was great. And then, the deciding factor happened. This man and his wife tried to talk me out of my faith. I believe there's a verse in the Bible which talks about the Holy Spirit giving us the words we need. [Edited to add, this verse is found in Mark 13:11) Well... he did just that.

I wasn't an outspoken kid. I am now and I have no hesitation in speaking up for myself or anyone I love, but back then, I was a follower, not a leader. I don't remember much from that conversation except for the fact that I would not denounce my faith. I know that was the Holy Spirit taking over for me - doing what I couldn't do for myself. I remember when I got in my car to go home, I was shaking. And when I got back to my apartment, I called my dad and told him to come get me asap because I needed to get out of there NOW.

As it turns out, I was about to get kicked out of the cult anyway, but I knew God had protected me that night and that I needed to leave. I am so thankful for getting out of that group. It was twisted and messed up and I'm still getting PTSD treatment for all they did to warp my self-worth. God is gracious and he saved me from something that has messed up the lives of many people I love. (But, praise God, they are all free from the control of this group now!)

Now I know, if the time ever comes where I have to choose my faith or my life, the Holy Spirit will give me the strength to choose my faith. Something that, at one time, caused me so much fear, now leaves me feeling at peace. Thank you, Jesus!

Mark 3:5

I want to talk about the Pharisees and how some of us Christians can live like the Pharisees of the New Testament. In my last blog post, I talked about what I was like as a mother a few years ago and how angry and bitter I was. Part of that anger and bitterness was due to the fact that I have PPMD (the severe PMS, sorry for the TMI, guys!) but A LOT of that anger and bitterness was because I was trying desperately to live according to the LAWS of God. For me, it's impossible to be a joyful Christian when I'm too busy failing at being a perfect Christian. Mark 3:5 tells us what Jesus thinks of religion that just focuses on following the rules...

"He looked them [the Pharisees] in the eye, one after another,
angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion."
Mark 3:5 (The Message)

The Pharisees had just watched Jesus heal someone on the Sabbath. When he did heal the person with the crippled hand, the Pharisees left, sputtering. They were so focused on the LAW that they failed to see that Jesus had helped someone! Who cares if it was on the Sabbath!

Well, who cares about all these stupid things that religion says we have to do. Don't wear certain clothing. Don't watch certain TV shows. Don't listen to certain music. Don't do this. Don't do that. Because IF you do - you're destined to hell! And God forbid if you dye your hair or get your nose pierced! Woe to him (or her) who does these things!

I'm sorry, but Jesus hung out with the riffraff - in fact, the Message Bible says Jesus was "acting cozy with the riffraff" (Mark 2:16) No, this doesn't mean I can do whatever I want because I'm a Bible believing, baptized Christian so God's got me covered. But, it also doesn't mean I have to kill myself trying to live up to MAN'S standards!

Being a homeschooler, I used to attend homeschool conferences. Used to. For some reason, the homeschool world is filled with people who live legalistic lives and who try to shove those legalistic beliefs onto every other homeschool family out there. I nearly killed myself trying to live up to those standards. I'm not just being overdramatic here. I was suicidal because I was failing so miserably at being a good Christian! Good Christians don't question God! Good Christians don't feel angry! Good Christians are perfect mothers, perfect wives, perfect friends and they certainly never share about the struggles they're going through!

Let me put it this way... I was willing to end my life rather than face the truth that I needed a Savior. I was willing to make my husband a widower and leave my children motherless because I couldn't measure up to man's standards. I thank God for a wonderful Christian counselor who helped me see that the legalistic way of life is not the way for me. That God's grace covered all my failings. That ALL I needed to do was believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and everything else was just moot. I had to get back to the basic tenets of Christianity in order to be able to become the wife/mother/friend/daughter God created me to be. I needed a personal relationship with God that was based on what I believed, rather than what I did (or didn't do.) I needed a Savior who would meet me exactly where I was, accept me - flaws and all - and gently mold me into the child of God HE wanted me to be. I needed Jesus. The Jesus of the New Testament, not the Savior the Pharisees were expecting. But, the real deal. Son of God who became flesh, suffered and died for my sins so I could truly be set free. And that, my friends, is the exact type of Savior I have today! 

Psalm 37:39-40

‎"The spacious, free life is from God, it's also protected and safe. 

God-strengthened, we're delivered from evil - when we run to Him, 

He saves us." 

Psalm 37:39-40 (The Message)

So many people say I'm not free because I'm a Christian. They are so wrong! I have so much freedom as a believer! Yes, there are some things I won't do because they go against my belief in Jesus, but I don't do them because I think I'll go to hell if I do. I don't do them because I don't NEED to do them. Those things don't bring me joy. 

I'm not talking about happiness, which is contingent upon what I have or what I get. I'm talking about pure joy that is contingent upon one thing and one thing only... Knowing that my God loves me and that I will be with Him for eternity. Nothing else matters! I can have joy even in the midst of sorrow. But I've never felt "happy" when bad things happen. I AM free!

Leviticus 26:11-12

"I'll be your God; you'll be my people. I am God, 

your personal God who rescued you...
I ripped off the harness of your slavery so that you 

can move about freely."
Leviticus 26:11-12 (The Message)

God was to be our PERSONAL God. Not just some 'off-in-the-distance' God, but a God who KNOWS us. A God whom WE can know. He is our rescuer. He is the one who allows us to be free. So many people think Christians are slaves to God. That we don't have any fun or we don't have any freedom, but the opposite is true. It is BECAUSE of Christ that I am set free! It is IN Christ that I can live as a free woman! I am no longer a slave to my sin. Yes, I still sin on a daily basis - but I have forgiveness for my sins, which makes me more free than I've ever been! Thanks be to God!