Psalm 89:29-34

"I'll guarantee his family tree

and underwrite his rule.

If his children refuse to do what I tell them,

if they refuse to walk in the way I show them,

If they spit on the directions I give them

and tear up the rules I post for them - 

I'll rub their faces in the dirt of their rebellion

and make them face the music.

But I'll never throw them out,

never abandon or disown them."

Psalm 89:29-34 (The Message)

What a comforting passage! I know this was written and it was talking about David, but I believe this promise of God to "never abandon or disown them" is also meant for us. If we have accepted Christ and truly believe that he died and rose again for the payment of our sins, then God's love is with us forever. Truly, His love for us is with us even before we accept Christ, but we have to accept his love - through Jesus Christ - in order for us to KNOW his love for us. 

It is my prayer that all those in my life come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I can't force it on anyone, but I can definitely pray for them! And I do, every day. I want my friends and loved ones who don't know the freedom that comes from having a relationship with the Lord to find that freedom. I've talked about God with so many of my friends who aren't Christian and so many of them feel that God is an angry, judgmental God when he isn't! Yes, he gets angry AT sin, but he doesn't hate the sinner! He loves the sinner and his heart aches when we refuse to follow his direction. 

If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about. You love your child no.matter.what. Do you always love their behavior? NO WAY! I can honestly say that when any one of my children blatantly and willfully rebels against us, I hate it. It breaks my heart! I literally ache for the decision that they are making at that moment. Why? Because I know when they willfully choose to rebel, they are choosing to remove themselves from God's grace. I'm still there, waiting for them to turn back to me, but oh, how my heart aches at their disobedience! 

God is the same way. He WILL allow us to "face the music" of our actions,  but will he discard us when we sin? No way! He will be there, waiting with open arms, for us to come back to him. And he will celebrate when we do. Oh, how I wish I could get certain people in my life to understand this! I think their lives would be so much richer and meaningful if they did! So, I continue to pray, trusting that seeds are planted by my words and actions and hoping that they allow the Holy Spirit to water their souls so they can blossom into beautiful children of God!

Proverbs 16:9

"We plan the way we want to live, 

but only God makes us able to live it."

Proverbs 16:9 (The Message)

Did you have specific plans for your life as a child? I did. I was going to grow up, get married and be a mom (I never really worried about how many kids I was going to have, I just knew I would have kids). I also wanted to be a teacher. Growing up, I never really thought I'd adopt, but once I got married and became stronger in my faith, I knew I wanted to. As a mom (of both biological and adoptive children) who home schools one of her kids (and soon to be more), I'm pretty much doing what I planned on doing all my life. :-)

What I didn't plan on was being the mom of 10 children, but only getting to see and hold 3 of them. Our plan to adopt was when our biological son was older, but having 8 babies born straight to heaven changed that plan. Actually, it was after the third baby went to heaven, that we decided to adopt. I also didn't plan on my husband, who had years of sobriety, drinking again. And I didn't plan on severe depression entering my life. 

What I did plan on was having God by my side. And, while there have been times I've felt abandoned by God, I believe with all my heart that he has always been here with me. It is his strength who has gotten me through all the unplanned things in my life. It is his love which has brought me out of depression and back into the Light. It is his healing that is getting my husband back on the wagon. And it is his grace that has allowed us to have the three beautiful, wonderful children we have here on earth today. 

Sure, in all honesty, there are some things I wish I didn't have to go through in this life. However, I truly wouldn't change the things that got me to where I am today. I have a beautiful life! It's been a difficult life, to be sure, but it is a beautiful life, nonetheless. Things didn't go as I planned, but God made a way for me to live as close to the life I had planned as I can today. I am so incredibly blessed!

Proverbs 8:17

"I love those who love me; those who look for me find me." 

Proverbs 8:17 (The Message)

Have you ever felt like God was missing from your life? Like he had abandoned you, despite his promise never to do that? I have. Many, many times. Looking back, I see that it was ME who had abandoned God. 

In the past, when I've gone through hard heart-wrenching times I stopped doing something that was very important to my having a strong relationship with the Lord. I stopped reading my Bible. That, my friends, is one of the most vital things we need to do if we want to feel God's presence! It's how he speaks to us, for cryin' out loud! How can we possibly expect him to be able to speak to us, if we're not in the Word?!?! {I'm yelling at myself here... LOL)

I'm going to be real blunt here. Satan lied to me, and I chose to listen to him! Satan told me that God was punishing me for sins by killing my babies. Satan told me that I must be a horrible mother and therefore God was saving my children by allowing them to die in my womb. Satan told me that I had spoken out about childhood abuse and this was my punishment for having done so. And I believed him! Knowing full-well what I know of Satan - that he is the father of lies. I chose to believe Satan over my loving Father. And this just breaks my heart. 

While that is heart-breaking to fall into that trap, there is a rainbow of grace here. Even in my darkest moments, I still longed for God. I had a deep, deep longing for God to help me through my heartache. I knew that God was the only One who could heal my broken heart. I wasn't able to read His Word for a very, very long time, but then, once I picked it up, I've been having a very difficult time putting it down. I kept looking for God and I am finding him again! I say "finding" because I'll never truly KNOW him until I get to Heaven. In this part of my journey, he is revealing more and more of himself to me and I am seeing how incredibly blessed I am! 

I pray that if you are in that dark place, wondering where God is, that you keep searching for him. Do whatever you have to do to pick up your Bible and read. Psalms is a great place to start when dealing with a broken heart. David wrote most of the Psalms and he knows a thing or two about having a broken heart. He sinned mightily against God, yet he was still called "A man after my [God's] own heart." because he continued to trust and love God. Don't believe the lies that Satan may be telling you. Look to the Bible and find the Truth of what God says about you! You are loved! And God desires to have a personal relationship with you! 

If you're not a follower of Christ, please accept him today. Don't wait. He loves you and wants to be in relationship with you. It is as easy as praying this:

Dear God,

I admit that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. I have tried 
living my life my way but I now know that I need You to guide 
me. Please forgive me of my sins [if you'd like to, list some here]. 
I want the freedom that a life with Christ can bring me. I believe 
that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe he rose again. 
I want to live with him in eternity. Thank you for forgiving me. 
Thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, for me. 
In His name I pray. Amen. 

If you just prayed this prayer, please leave me a comment. I would love to pray for you as you begin your journey with the Lord. I encourage you to contact a local Christian church in your area. You can also read this article at Focus on the Family for more information as to what to do next. You may also contact them and they can help you as you begin your walk with God. I encourage you to get yourself a Bible and start to read it. The Book of Romans or the Book of Mark are great places to start. If you don't have the money for a Bible, please contact The Gideons and I'm sure they would love to give you a free Bible. (This is the group who provides Bibles in hotel rooms.) May the Lord bless you as you begin your new life with Him!

Psalm 41:12

"You know me inside and out, you hold me together, 

you never fail to stand me tall in your 

presence so I can look you in the eye." 

Psalm 41:12 (The Message)

It used to freak me out that God knew me inside and out. "He knows my thoughts?!" I had every reason to be freaked out! My thoughts weren't (and still aren't) all that great! Today, it comforts me to know that he knows me so well. There are times I don't know what I even need - but God knows. All I have to do is sit in his presence and I know that I'll be okay. 

And because he knows me so well, I don't have to try to keep anything from him. Let me tell ya - it takes a lot of effort to try to hide things from God! And it's all pointless because he knows it before I even do! It's craziness! LOL 

In all seriousness though, God does know me. And despite knowing every dark thought, every negative deed, he still loves me. He accepts me because I've accepted Jesus. He wipes my slate clean so that I CAN stand before him. Without Jesus, I wouldn't have a chance! But, with Jesus, I am no better or worse than the next person. And because of Jesus, I can go to the Throne of Grace and he will meet me there, accept me and wrap me in his powerful arms. 

Because of Jesus' love for me, I can stand before the Father unashamed! There is no greater gift in Heaven or on Earth!

Mark 3:5

I want to talk about the Pharisees and how some of us Christians can live like the Pharisees of the New Testament. In my last blog post, I talked about what I was like as a mother a few years ago and how angry and bitter I was. Part of that anger and bitterness was due to the fact that I have PPMD (the severe PMS, sorry for the TMI, guys!) but A LOT of that anger and bitterness was because I was trying desperately to live according to the LAWS of God. For me, it's impossible to be a joyful Christian when I'm too busy failing at being a perfect Christian. Mark 3:5 tells us what Jesus thinks of religion that just focuses on following the rules...

"He looked them [the Pharisees] in the eye, one after another,
angry now, furious at their hard-nosed religion."
Mark 3:5 (The Message)

The Pharisees had just watched Jesus heal someone on the Sabbath. When he did heal the person with the crippled hand, the Pharisees left, sputtering. They were so focused on the LAW that they failed to see that Jesus had helped someone! Who cares if it was on the Sabbath!

Well, who cares about all these stupid things that religion says we have to do. Don't wear certain clothing. Don't watch certain TV shows. Don't listen to certain music. Don't do this. Don't do that. Because IF you do - you're destined to hell! And God forbid if you dye your hair or get your nose pierced! Woe to him (or her) who does these things!

I'm sorry, but Jesus hung out with the riffraff - in fact, the Message Bible says Jesus was "acting cozy with the riffraff" (Mark 2:16) No, this doesn't mean I can do whatever I want because I'm a Bible believing, baptized Christian so God's got me covered. But, it also doesn't mean I have to kill myself trying to live up to MAN'S standards!

Being a homeschooler, I used to attend homeschool conferences. Used to. For some reason, the homeschool world is filled with people who live legalistic lives and who try to shove those legalistic beliefs onto every other homeschool family out there. I nearly killed myself trying to live up to those standards. I'm not just being overdramatic here. I was suicidal because I was failing so miserably at being a good Christian! Good Christians don't question God! Good Christians don't feel angry! Good Christians are perfect mothers, perfect wives, perfect friends and they certainly never share about the struggles they're going through!

Let me put it this way... I was willing to end my life rather than face the truth that I needed a Savior. I was willing to make my husband a widower and leave my children motherless because I couldn't measure up to man's standards. I thank God for a wonderful Christian counselor who helped me see that the legalistic way of life is not the way for me. That God's grace covered all my failings. That ALL I needed to do was believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and everything else was just moot. I had to get back to the basic tenets of Christianity in order to be able to become the wife/mother/friend/daughter God created me to be. I needed a personal relationship with God that was based on what I believed, rather than what I did (or didn't do.) I needed a Savior who would meet me exactly where I was, accept me - flaws and all - and gently mold me into the child of God HE wanted me to be. I needed Jesus. The Jesus of the New Testament, not the Savior the Pharisees were expecting. But, the real deal. Son of God who became flesh, suffered and died for my sins so I could truly be set free. And that, my friends, is the exact type of Savior I have today! 

Numbers 14:18

"God, slow to get angry and huge in loyal love, forgiving iniquity
and rebellion and sin; Still, never just whitewashing sin. 

But extending the fallout of parents' sins to children into 

the third, even the fourth generation." 

Numbers 14:18 (The Message)

The 2nd part of this verse used to cause me so much angst. How can children be held accountable for their parents' sin?! What kind of a God would do that?! Then, I realized how true this is. Think about it - generational sins DO happen. I mean, how many children from abusive homes grow up to become abusive parents themselves? No, not every single one, but very, very many do. How many children from alcoholic families grow up to become alcoholics? A lot. How many children who have thieves or murderers for parents grow up to become thieves and murderers?

THAT is generational sin, folks. However, just because we may come from families with these issues, doesn't mean we are doomed to a life of addiction and crime. God's forgiveness, grace and mercy can set us free. If you're a Christian who has things like these in your past - ask the Lord to set you free from those past sins of your family. He can and He will do so!

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for over 30 yrs. He's also a former smoker (something else that very often gets passed down from generation to generation). My dad is also a Christian who has sought forgiveness for his past and received it. I firmly believe that because of this, I have been set free from the possibility of being an alcoholic. Does this mean I should go out and drink as much as I want? No way! But, I can have a glass of wine and not NEED more.

I am also a former smoker, who tried again and again to stop smoking. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my son that I was finally able to break free from that - and that was because I prayed and begged God to make me get horribly sick if I ever smoked again. I tried it again after he was born and got horribly sick. God set me free! Why? Because I asked his forgiveness. 

God's love is extravagant and he is a loyal God.