Proverbs 8:17

"I love those who love me; those who look for me find me." 

Proverbs 8:17 (The Message)

Have you ever felt like God was missing from your life? Like he had abandoned you, despite his promise never to do that? I have. Many, many times. Looking back, I see that it was ME who had abandoned God. 

In the past, when I've gone through hard heart-wrenching times I stopped doing something that was very important to my having a strong relationship with the Lord. I stopped reading my Bible. That, my friends, is one of the most vital things we need to do if we want to feel God's presence! It's how he speaks to us, for cryin' out loud! How can we possibly expect him to be able to speak to us, if we're not in the Word?!?! {I'm yelling at myself here... LOL)

I'm going to be real blunt here. Satan lied to me, and I chose to listen to him! Satan told me that God was punishing me for sins by killing my babies. Satan told me that I must be a horrible mother and therefore God was saving my children by allowing them to die in my womb. Satan told me that I had spoken out about childhood abuse and this was my punishment for having done so. And I believed him! Knowing full-well what I know of Satan - that he is the father of lies. I chose to believe Satan over my loving Father. And this just breaks my heart. 

While that is heart-breaking to fall into that trap, there is a rainbow of grace here. Even in my darkest moments, I still longed for God. I had a deep, deep longing for God to help me through my heartache. I knew that God was the only One who could heal my broken heart. I wasn't able to read His Word for a very, very long time, but then, once I picked it up, I've been having a very difficult time putting it down. I kept looking for God and I am finding him again! I say "finding" because I'll never truly KNOW him until I get to Heaven. In this part of my journey, he is revealing more and more of himself to me and I am seeing how incredibly blessed I am! 

I pray that if you are in that dark place, wondering where God is, that you keep searching for him. Do whatever you have to do to pick up your Bible and read. Psalms is a great place to start when dealing with a broken heart. David wrote most of the Psalms and he knows a thing or two about having a broken heart. He sinned mightily against God, yet he was still called "A man after my [God's] own heart." because he continued to trust and love God. Don't believe the lies that Satan may be telling you. Look to the Bible and find the Truth of what God says about you! You are loved! And God desires to have a personal relationship with you! 

If you're not a follower of Christ, please accept him today. Don't wait. He loves you and wants to be in relationship with you. It is as easy as praying this:

Dear God,

I admit that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. I have tried 
living my life my way but I now know that I need You to guide 
me. Please forgive me of my sins [if you'd like to, list some here]. 
I want the freedom that a life with Christ can bring me. I believe 
that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe he rose again. 
I want to live with him in eternity. Thank you for forgiving me. 
Thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, for me. 
In His name I pray. Amen. 

If you just prayed this prayer, please leave me a comment. I would love to pray for you as you begin your journey with the Lord. I encourage you to contact a local Christian church in your area. You can also read this article at Focus on the Family for more information as to what to do next. You may also contact them and they can help you as you begin your walk with God. I encourage you to get yourself a Bible and start to read it. The Book of Romans or the Book of Mark are great places to start. If you don't have the money for a Bible, please contact The Gideons and I'm sure they would love to give you a free Bible. (This is the group who provides Bibles in hotel rooms.) May the Lord bless you as you begin your new life with Him!