What is "Building A House"?

"Building A House" is a blog about my journey back to God. The name comes from Proverbs 24:3-4 (The Message), "It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; it takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies."

No, this isn't going to be a blog about making my house look pretty - at least not pretty on the OUTSIDE. But, I'm going to be working on getting my house
"pretty" on the SPIRITUAL side. I'm coming back from a pretty dark place in my life after losing 8 babies to miscarriage. This blog is about my journey back
to the Lord.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Proverbs 18:14

"The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness,
But who can bear a broken spirit?"
Proverbs 18:14 (NKJV)

I have spent the last 5 years going through one medical issue after another. Miscarriage (after several weeks of bedrest), asthma issues, another miscarriage (after a couple months of bedrest), dislocated knee, torn cartilage in my wrist (which required surgery), depression and mono are just some of the things I've had to deal with. As difficult as it's been to deal with one thing after another, I have maintained a good spirit. I was able to function (except for some rough times after the miscarriages) and do what needed to be done. 

But, give me a broken spirit and just getting out of bed is a battle for me. It feels like a heavy weight is on my chest and my body weighs 500 pounds. Keeping my eyes open is a battle; I find myself falling asleep two, sometimes three times a day. Fixing dinner for my family is a chore I can't even get my brain to wrap around, let alone grocery shopping for them. 

I can't seem to beat this broken spirit. 

But, I know who can. Almighty God. While I may struggle to get daily living things done, there is one thing I can do - and that is to read God's Word. In fact, it's the one thing I truly hunger for these days. Even if I don't feel like I have it in me to open it up, I wind up with it sitting open my desk, bent over reading as much of it as I can, soaking it up and waiting to hear God's voice in what I read.

It's as if I'm sitting in the lap of my Father, his arms wrapped around me and I can finally relax. My body is tense every time I check on it. But, when I'm reading the Word or meditating on his Name, my body relaxes completely. He is a balm to my soul. I cling to these moments throughout the day. When my muscles ache from being so incredibly tense, I open to Psalms and soak up the words of the psalmist. I close my eyes and just rest in the words that I've read. 

I can't bear this broken spirit. But, God can. And he is carrying me through this time and is giving me the strength I need to get through each day. Praise be to God!

New King James Version (NKJV) Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

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