"Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving,
but where on earth can you find one?...
For who among us can be trusted
to be always diligent and honest?"
Proverbs 20:6, 9 (The Message)
Today I was betrayed by someone I had hoped would never betray me. I'm still a bit shell-shocked by it all, but a dear friend reminded me that the only person who will never betray us or break our trust is God. I have a decision to make and it's not an easy one. Do I continue in a relationship with this person or do I walk away? I simply do not know.
I was so torn earlier today about this. My mind wouldn't stop racing with questions about what to do. What ifs were all over the place in my head. So, I drove up to the top of a mountain near where we live, found a secluded spot, rolled the windows down and spent some time with the Lord.
I was listening to some music when I looked down and saw a Bible on the floor of the car. So, I got it out and started reading in Psalms. Then, I remembered that I downloaded a Bible app for my phone, so I got that out and searched for verses about betrayal. I read a few of those. I decided I wanted to sing a bit, so I got out my "Until the End of the World" soundtrack CD and listened to one of my favorite songs, "Calling All Angels" by Jane Siberry a few times, singing along with it without a care in the world because I knew no one was around to hear me. (Ok, maybe my singing is why Bigfoot didn't get me as one of my boys always warns me about him when I go off into the woods alone...) I ended my time with purging all my racing thoughts and hurt to the Lord.
I felt the Lord telling me to just STOP, be still and LISTEN. So, I did. I sat there listening to the wind gently blow through the leaves until I felt the Lord telling me that it was OK. I didn't have to make any decisions right then. I could simply wait. So, that's what I'm doing. I don't know what the future holds for my relationship with this person. But, I do know that the Lord will never forsake me. My trust is in Him - not in human fallibility. And for tonight - that is enough. I'm simply going to basque in the peace the Lord has filled me with and rest.