Psalm 89:29-34

"I'll guarantee his family tree

and underwrite his rule.

If his children refuse to do what I tell them,

if they refuse to walk in the way I show them,

If they spit on the directions I give them

and tear up the rules I post for them - 

I'll rub their faces in the dirt of their rebellion

and make them face the music.

But I'll never throw them out,

never abandon or disown them."

Psalm 89:29-34 (The Message)

What a comforting passage! I know this was written and it was talking about David, but I believe this promise of God to "never abandon or disown them" is also meant for us. If we have accepted Christ and truly believe that he died and rose again for the payment of our sins, then God's love is with us forever. Truly, His love for us is with us even before we accept Christ, but we have to accept his love - through Jesus Christ - in order for us to KNOW his love for us. 

It is my prayer that all those in my life come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I can't force it on anyone, but I can definitely pray for them! And I do, every day. I want my friends and loved ones who don't know the freedom that comes from having a relationship with the Lord to find that freedom. I've talked about God with so many of my friends who aren't Christian and so many of them feel that God is an angry, judgmental God when he isn't! Yes, he gets angry AT sin, but he doesn't hate the sinner! He loves the sinner and his heart aches when we refuse to follow his direction. 

If you're a parent you know what I'm talking about. You love your child no.matter.what. Do you always love their behavior? NO WAY! I can honestly say that when any one of my children blatantly and willfully rebels against us, I hate it. It breaks my heart! I literally ache for the decision that they are making at that moment. Why? Because I know when they willfully choose to rebel, they are choosing to remove themselves from God's grace. I'm still there, waiting for them to turn back to me, but oh, how my heart aches at their disobedience! 

God is the same way. He WILL allow us to "face the music" of our actions,  but will he discard us when we sin? No way! He will be there, waiting with open arms, for us to come back to him. And he will celebrate when we do. Oh, how I wish I could get certain people in my life to understand this! I think their lives would be so much richer and meaningful if they did! So, I continue to pray, trusting that seeds are planted by my words and actions and hoping that they allow the Holy Spirit to water their souls so they can blossom into beautiful children of God!

Joshua 18:3

"Joshua addressed the People of Israel: 

"How long are you going to sit around on your hands, 

putting off taking possession of the land that God, 

the God of your ancestors, has given you?" 

Joshua 18:3 (The Message)

This verse stood out to me. Can we all say, "procrastination"?  ;-) Not that I know anything about this word! *rolling my eyes* I am one of those who works best under pressure, so I'll wait until the last minute to do something before I finally get moving to get it done. However, while I say I work best under pressure, I don't think my BODY works best this way. I can feel the tension build as the deadline for whatever it is I need to do draws closer. I get more demanding of my family and a whole lot less patient. I often wonder what damage I'm doing to my heart by procrastinating so much.

Why do I do this to myself and my family? *sigh*

Sometimes it's because I just don't want to do what needs to be done. It might seem boring to me. Or I committed to something I really didn't want to do in the first place. Sometimes it's because something better comes along and I get distracted. Sometimes it's just because the task at hand is so large! 

We adopted two of our children from Haiti. You know who did almost all the paperwork for our adoption? My husband. Why? Because I was so overwhelmed with it all that I didn't know where to start. Looking back, I could have been a lot more help had I taken the time to sit down and organize what needed to be done. Instead, my poor husband had to work insane hours at his job, then come home and work on getting all the paperwork together that needed to be put together to bring our kids home. I think I owe him an apology. ;-) 

Seriously, though... I can't allow myself to procrastinate just because I'm overwhelmed or because the task isn't "fun". I'm not a kid anymore who has parents to do everything for her. I'm a married woman who is a helper to her husband and I need to start "playing the part". So, to my husband.. thank you for all that you've done for me. I truly do appreciate it. But, it's my turn to help you! Just tell me what to do! 

Lord, help me to stop procrastinating so much and just do what needs to be done.

Proverbs 10:8

"A wise heart takes orders; an empty head will come unglued." 

Proverbs 10:8 (The Message)

Ok, so it's true confession time. I am a person filled with pride. Not in all things. In fact, if you were to ask my therapist she'd say, "Jen? Prideful? She needs to think 'higher' of herself!" But, there is one area, in specific, where I really suffer with pride. And that area is taking orders. I become like an empty-headed teenager when someone tells me what to do. It'd be comical if it wasn't so horrible. 

Just today, I was already going to do something, but when someone told me to do the exact same thing I was already going to do - and not in a demanding way, but in a "let me ask you nicely" way - my teenage rebellious side kicked in and I found myself getting grouchy and wanting to snap back, "No! I'm not going to do that now that you asked me to!" 

Seriously!? What's that all about?! 

I often feel like the child in the book "Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle" who says, "I'm doing it because I want to, not because you told me to!" 

*sigh*

Yes, I still have a long ways to go before I am mature... Oh Lord, give me a wise heart that is able to accept correction and direction.

Deuteronomy 30:2,6

"If at that time [after Israel loses everything due to disobedience to God] 

you and your children return to the Lord your God, 

and if you obey with all your heart and all your soul 

all the commands I have given you today... 

Deuteronomy 30:2 (NLT) 

God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart 

and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, 

with your whole heart and soul and live, really live." 

Deuteronomy 30:6 (The Message)

You know what I love most about this whole section of Deuteronomy (Chapters 28-30)?  At first, it sounds just awful - horrifying really - what God says will happen if the Israelites break God's commands and begin to worship other gods. Cannibalism?! Even cannibalism of our own children?! I mean, can you even imagine making the decision to eat a person, let alone your very own child?! It's horrific! If I knew that this was a possibility if I broke God's command, I'd like to think that would be enough to stop me from sinning. 

Unfortunately,  I'm a sinner. I was born a sinner. I was destined to be a sinner even while in my mother's womb. I don't stand a chance. Of course, now that Christ has come, I DO stand a chance, thanks to his sacrifice. But, back in Old Testament days, there was no Christ. It was: You sin. You suffer. But, despite all that - God still showed his love for his people. His mercy. 

So many people think that the Old Testament is just a bunch of rules and laws and it's all about God's wrath. *wary grin* I used to think that about the Old Testament. But, the Old Testament is really chock-full of God's amazing mercy!

You see, almost every time God tells the Israelites what bad will happen to them, he then goes into: but if you turn from your sin and come back to God, ________ blessings will come upon you. And here in Deuteronomy 30 there is no exception. God could just give up on us humans. I mean, we sin time and time again - usually the same sin we just repented for the day before - or even the hour before! I'm sure he gets pretty fed up with our antics at times! Yet, even here in Deuteronomy he says that if we come back to God and love him with all our hearts, he will cut away the calluses on our heart which will free us to love God with all our hearts and souls and we will really live. And then, he lists everything the Israelites will get in blessings for having done so. 

What an amazing Father he is! I mean, seriously, how many of us parents give our kids a consequence for their misbehavior - and in the same breath say, "Oh, but if you turn from your sin I'm going to give you ________ blessing and _________ blessing and _________ blessing!"? [said in the perfect game-show-host tone of voice] We don't usually do this because we want to know that our child is serious about their behavior becoming right. But, God does this with us. He is so gracious to us! He loves us so incredibly much that my brain can't even comprehend how to measure it!

I mean - who wouldn't want a Father like that?! Who punishes justly when we sin, yet offers us hope in the same breath? So amazing! And what a wonderful example for us as parents to strive for. When disciplining our children, are we making them feel like failures who will never be able to measure up, let alone escape from God's wrath? Or are we building them up, teaching them that despite their sin, they can measure up thanks to Jesus; that they do have hope for their future!?

Psalm 50:16-17, 21, 23

"What are you up to, quoting my laws, talking like we are good friends? 

You never answer the door when I call; 

you treat my words like garbage." 

Psalm 50:15-17 (The Message)

Ever felt like a hypocrite before? I have. Many times, but the time I felt like the biggest hypocrite was when I was on a prayer team and praying my little heart out for people, but didn't believe for an instant that God was listening to my prayers. Oh, I could pray like there was no tomorrow - I knew all the right words to say, but I sure wasn't answering the door to God's call on my heart. 

I was treating God's words like garbage. Spewing words of God's greatness out, but in my mind thinking what a crock it all was. If a friend online was going through a hard time, I'd dig out my "Find It Fast In the Bible" book and find some great verses to share, but did I do that for myself? No way!

"I [God] kept a quiet patience while you did these things;
you thought I went along with your game. I'm calling you on the carpet, 

now, laying  your wickedness out in plain sight." 

Psalm 50:21

Wow. Wickedness? Seems a bit harsh. But, is it? Nope. I was being wicked. I was basically cursing God, while at the same time pretending like I was this great Christian. Why? Because I didn't want people to know that my faith was weak. And a part of me thought if I continued to fake it, maybe it would start to work. Like that old saying, "fake it 'till you make it". And yes, a part of me just wanted people to think what a great Christian I was. Pride, pure and simple.

"It's the praising life that honors me. 

As soon as you set your foot on the Way, 

I'll show you my salvation." 

Psalm 50:23

I'm so grateful that God, in his silence, showed patience with me. I'm so thankful that he gave me time to repent and and showed me his salvation. It began with me trying to find something to praise God for every day. I set a reminder on my phone and for the first 2 weeks, I set it for every hour. When the timer went off, I stopped what I was doing and found something to praise God for. After that became more of a habit for me, I set my timer for once a day. I truly believe that this simple act was what got me to start desiring more of God. 

If you're struggling with hypocrisy, turn from your sin. Ask the Lord to show you what you can do to rid your life of that wickedness. Believe me, the true relationship I'm developing with the Lord is so much better than the hypocrisy I was living with. This is Truth. Hypocrisy is lies. I'd rather live my life in the Truth of who God is and what he feels about me. Wouldn't you?

Proverbs 25:11-12

"The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, 
and a wise friend's timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger." 
Proverbs 25:11-12 (The Message)

Oh my. This verse really rings true. And what I'm about to write is really putting myself out there. I'm a little scared to do it, but you know what - God wants us to bring things out into the Light, so I'm praying that someone is blessed by what I'm about to say...

There was a time where I was a very angry woman. My heart was bitter, although I had so much to be grateful for. I was stressed out, adding 2 children who didn't speak English and didn't know how our family ran into our home. My husband's business was taking off and he was rarely home. I was recovering from a miscarriage and my faith was shot. And I was not a nice mama. :-(

Then, a wise friend said some pretty harsh words to me. She told me I had a vindictive spirit, among other things. I was speechless when she said that, because she said everything I was thinking about myself! (I love how God speaks through other people to get our attention!) I KNEW, in my heart, that I was not even close to being the mom God created me to be, but it took hearing it from the mouth of someone I really cared for, someone I wanted to emulate her - she had so much patience with her children and always appeared calm, no matter what she was going through. Plus, she had adopted children as well and was someone I could go to for wisdom in the adoption arena.

I really took her words to heart. I sought counseling. I spoke with my doctor and was diagnosed with PPMD and began taking medication to help with my moods. And I begged God to change my heart. He didn't do it overnight, but he DID do it. I am not the same mom I was 3-4 years ago! I sought their forgiveness for my attitude in the past and my family has forgiven me. They often comment how I never yell anymore. In fact, my youngest son's memory of that time is slowly fading. Sure, I get frustrated with my kids still. But, I cannot tell you the last time I disciplined them in anger. Grace is seen more in our home now and healthy, strong relationships are being built.

Thank you Jesus!