Psalm 77:11-12

"Once again I'll go over what God has done,

lay out on the table the ancient wonders;

I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,

and give a long, loving look at your acts."

Psalm 77:11-12 (The Message)

If you read this entire Psalm, you'll see that Asaph is feeling like God has abandoned him. His friends tried to tell him that everything would be ok, but he didn't believe them. He can't sleep. His life feels like it's fallen apart. Sounds a bit like he's down in the dumps, maybe even in full-on depression, doesn't it?

These two verses are key to what we need to do when we feel depressed. We don't need to give in to the depression - we need to think about the things that God has already done in our own lives. If that doesn't work, meditate on the things God did in the Bible. The miraculous ways he worked and the small ways he worked. Make a list of the things he has done. Read it daily. Hourly, if need be. 

For many who are feeling depressed this will be enough. For some, it may not be. You might have a chemical imbalance that requires some sort of medication. But, don't just medicate yourself and expect to get better. Get on some medication, if that's what you need, then think about all the ways God has worked in your life. Write them down in a notebook and read the Bible, specifically looking for ways God has worked in the lives of our ancestors. If you need someone to talk to, find a good, Christian counselor. I'll even go so far as to say, find a secular counselor if you need it. I've used both secular and Christian counselors and have gotten so much help from both. Just please, make sure a secular counselor will support you in your faith-walk with Christ. Some won't. And I believe we can't get true healing from depression without God.

Above all, ponder the things God has accomplished in this world so that you can see that he is, indeed, alive and working. And he is, indeed, a loving and compassionate God. If you are suffering from depression, please leave a comment so I can be in prayer for you.

Psalm 49:7-8a

"Really! There's no such thing as self-rescue,

pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.

The cost of rescue is beyond our means..."

Psalm 49:7-9a (The Message)

Self-rescue. How many of us hate to ask for help, thinking we can fix a problem in our lives 'on our own'. We believe that makes us "strong". Well, it doesn't. And sometimes it's just plain foolishness and self-centeredness. We cannot rescue ourselves. From death or sometimes even from certain situations in our lives. The cost of our rescue is beyond what we can humanly do by ourselves. 

I've tried to do things on my own, refusing to share with others what's going on in my life because I don't want people to think of me as weak. Guess where that got me? In a very weak spot, indeed! God has this way of bringing us to our knees when we need it the most. ;-)

God is our rescuer. Sometimes He rescues us without using humans and sometimes he rescues us using other humans. No matter how He does it, we need to recognize that it is HIM doing it, not ourselves. God has rescued me three times from the hand of death. Each of those three times was made worse because I was afraid to ask for help. I was afraid to tell people what I was thinking or how I was feeling because I was so afraid to appear weak. Well, in my weakness, He is strong. He saved me from doing something really foolish and put the right people in my life to help bring me back into relationship with Him. 

I tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps. And I failed. The cost of my rescue was beyond my means. I praise God for that so that He gets all the glory for my life today.

Luke 1:78-79

"Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, 

God's Sunrise will break in upon us,

Shining on those in the darkness,

Those sitting in the shadow of death,

Then showing us the way, one foot at a time,

Down the path of peace."

Luke 1:78-79 (The Message)

What a beautiful picture of Jesus! "God's Sunrise". Given to us by God's tender mercy. Are you in the dark? Are you sitting in the shadow of death? Close your eyes and picture God's Sunrise, breaking through the clouds. Lift up your face to Heaven and feel the warmth of Jesus shining down on you. He is there. He is reaching out for you. And He will show you the way, "one foot at a time", guiding you "down the path of peace". 

Oh God,

When the darkness begins to take over, I lift my face to Jesus, 

living in the hope that you will rescue me. Carry me now, Lord God. 

The darkness can seem so strong - so powerful. But Lord... 

you are always stronger than the darkness. 

When I bring my pain into Your Light, 

you will work and bring me peace. 

Guide me now and always, one foot a time. 

In Jesus' radiant name I pray. 

Amen.

Mark 15:34

"At three o'clock, Jesus groaned out of the depths, 

crying loudly, 'Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?' 

which means, 'My God, my God, 

why have you abandoned me?"

Mark 15:34 (The Message)

Have you ever been in a dark pit of despair? Where no matter how hard you look, you just can't see God? I have. It was a very scary place to be. I had no hope at all. And when a person has no hope, what do they have to live for?

(I'm a bit scared to write this post, but I know I'm not the only one who has ever been in this dark hole. Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "That's where I am right now!" It is for your sake that I'm going to make myself vulnerable here. Because the last thing you need to believe is that you are alone, when you truly are not!)

I was drowning in despair and guilt. Why guilt? Because I had children who needed me, but I couldn't be there emotionally. Oh, I went through the motions and did a darn good job. I plastered a smile on my face for everyone on the outside to see, but inside I felt dead. I mean, literally dead. Emotionless. It was a very frightening place to be.

I became suicidal. I'd drive up to a mountain near our house and sit there, fighting with myself not to drive off the edge. I was terrified and felt so out of control of myself. I had SO MUCH to live for - 3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband who loved me so very much. Yet, the darkness consumed me. I felt I had no way out. I cried out to the Lord nearly every day, asking why he had abandoned me and wondering where he was. "Why won't you help me?!" was the cry of my heart. 

I don't have any answers as to why he remained silent during this time - other than the fact that I wasn't listening for him. Bitterness and fear had taken over my heart and I don't think there was any room for God in that. I believe it was also a chemical issue with my brain. So many people look at this stuff in their lives and think "I'm just weak". I'm sorry, but it took STRENGTH not to drive off those cliffs! (A strength that, in looking back, I can see was God, pure and simple.) 

I don't know why God allowed me to walk this path of depression. But, I do know that he's getting me through it. I ended up checking myself into a hospital - mainly because I just needed help sleeping - there isn't much a person can do with their mental sanity when they aren't getting decent sleep at night. I was able to get some medication to help me sleep and I stayed there for 3 days just resting so I could come back home and really get on with healing. 

I started taking an antidepressant medication - something I vowed I would NEVER do! Let me tell you this... I will NOT allow society to condemn me for needing a medication to keep me alive. I have no qualms about needing to take this drug. Did I wake up one morning and say, "Hmmm... I think I'm going to be suicidal from now on?" No, I did not. And no - I wasn't trying to seek attention as some people may believe. I mean, seriously? Do you really think I wanted the kind of attention that suicidal tendencies bring? I see absolutely no difference between needing insulin for diabetes or chemotherapy for cancer and medication for depression. We don't choose to have depression. If I had a choice, I'd choose feeling joyful and exuberant over feeling depressed every day. But, with the medication, and with my relationship with God getting back on track, I do feel joy more often. And that, my friends, is worth every pill I have to take! 

If you're struggling with feeling suicidal, please talk to someone. Go to your spouse, a parent, a friend, a pastor, or call a suicidal hotline (I have some numbers listed below). Just please - get it out into the Light. Satan loves what we hide in the darkness - he thrives on that environment and he will do anything to get you to succumb to death. But, God will work when we bring our thoughts out into the Light. In fact, he wants to work in your heart right now! There IS hope. God has not abandoned you! Please, reach out for help. Your life matters to me and to many others.

Suicide Hotlines:

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

or to find a hotline specific to your state, visit SuicideHotlines.com