Luke 1:78-79

"Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, 

God's Sunrise will break in upon us,

Shining on those in the darkness,

Those sitting in the shadow of death,

Then showing us the way, one foot at a time,

Down the path of peace."

Luke 1:78-79 (The Message)

What a beautiful picture of Jesus! "God's Sunrise". Given to us by God's tender mercy. Are you in the dark? Are you sitting in the shadow of death? Close your eyes and picture God's Sunrise, breaking through the clouds. Lift up your face to Heaven and feel the warmth of Jesus shining down on you. He is there. He is reaching out for you. And He will show you the way, "one foot at a time", guiding you "down the path of peace". 

Oh God,

When the darkness begins to take over, I lift my face to Jesus, 

living in the hope that you will rescue me. Carry me now, Lord God. 

The darkness can seem so strong - so powerful. But Lord... 

you are always stronger than the darkness. 

When I bring my pain into Your Light, 

you will work and bring me peace. 

Guide me now and always, one foot a time. 

In Jesus' radiant name I pray. 

Amen.

Deuteronomy 30:2,6

"If at that time [after Israel loses everything due to disobedience to God] 

you and your children return to the Lord your God, 

and if you obey with all your heart and all your soul 

all the commands I have given you today... 

Deuteronomy 30:2 (NLT) 

God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart 

and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, 

with your whole heart and soul and live, really live." 

Deuteronomy 30:6 (The Message)

You know what I love most about this whole section of Deuteronomy (Chapters 28-30)?  At first, it sounds just awful - horrifying really - what God says will happen if the Israelites break God's commands and begin to worship other gods. Cannibalism?! Even cannibalism of our own children?! I mean, can you even imagine making the decision to eat a person, let alone your very own child?! It's horrific! If I knew that this was a possibility if I broke God's command, I'd like to think that would be enough to stop me from sinning. 

Unfortunately,  I'm a sinner. I was born a sinner. I was destined to be a sinner even while in my mother's womb. I don't stand a chance. Of course, now that Christ has come, I DO stand a chance, thanks to his sacrifice. But, back in Old Testament days, there was no Christ. It was: You sin. You suffer. But, despite all that - God still showed his love for his people. His mercy. 

So many people think that the Old Testament is just a bunch of rules and laws and it's all about God's wrath. *wary grin* I used to think that about the Old Testament. But, the Old Testament is really chock-full of God's amazing mercy!

You see, almost every time God tells the Israelites what bad will happen to them, he then goes into: but if you turn from your sin and come back to God, ________ blessings will come upon you. And here in Deuteronomy 30 there is no exception. God could just give up on us humans. I mean, we sin time and time again - usually the same sin we just repented for the day before - or even the hour before! I'm sure he gets pretty fed up with our antics at times! Yet, even here in Deuteronomy he says that if we come back to God and love him with all our hearts, he will cut away the calluses on our heart which will free us to love God with all our hearts and souls and we will really live. And then, he lists everything the Israelites will get in blessings for having done so. 

What an amazing Father he is! I mean, seriously, how many of us parents give our kids a consequence for their misbehavior - and in the same breath say, "Oh, but if you turn from your sin I'm going to give you ________ blessing and _________ blessing and _________ blessing!"? [said in the perfect game-show-host tone of voice] We don't usually do this because we want to know that our child is serious about their behavior becoming right. But, God does this with us. He is so gracious to us! He loves us so incredibly much that my brain can't even comprehend how to measure it!

I mean - who wouldn't want a Father like that?! Who punishes justly when we sin, yet offers us hope in the same breath? So amazing! And what a wonderful example for us as parents to strive for. When disciplining our children, are we making them feel like failures who will never be able to measure up, let alone escape from God's wrath? Or are we building them up, teaching them that despite their sin, they can measure up thanks to Jesus; that they do have hope for their future!?

Deuteronomy 4:29-31

"...if you seek God, your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, 

looking for him with your whole heart and soul.  

When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, 

in future days you will come back to God, your God, 

and listen obediently to what he says. [emphasis mine] 

God, your God, is above all a compassionate God. 

In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin..." 

Deuteronomy 4:29-31 (The Message)

I bolded the above sentence because this verse really stuck out with me when I read this. This is part of why I haven't written in the last few days. I've just been mulling this verse over in my mind and haven't been able to figure out what to say, yet having so much I need to say about this verse. I finally decided the best way to figure out what to say is to just start writing. So, here I am, hoping the Lord helps me get my thoughts to straighten out as I go. :-)

"When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, 

in future days you will come back to God, 

your God and listen obediently to what he says." 

*insert sigh of relief here*

So, all the times I've had some awful times come my way He KNEW I was going to wander from Him and go through a period of "slavery" to my troubles, yet He ALSO knew I would come back to him. And ever better, He would meet me with compassion and not condemnation? He would be there for me and not abandon me? 

The picture this paints for me is so overwhelming that words can't even describe what I'm thinking and feeling right now. (And have been thinking and feeling for several days now.) 

That God knew that I would blame Him. I would even feel hatred towards Him, yet He still felt compassion for me during that time... well... that just blows my mind. 

I pretty much turned from God after my loss of Trystan (my 7th miscarriage). Bitterness entered my heart and I couldn't even sing in church. I went (sometimes) because I wasn't about to turn my family away from God. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I also felt so powerless to stop it. I wanted to scream at God. I wanted Him to explain to me WHY He kept taking my babies from me. 

Oh, people told me God NEEDED my babies more than I did. No, he didn't! God doesn't NEED anything or anybody! And He certainly didn't NEED my babies! I had people tell me all sorts of platitudes - none of which made me feel better. And I just wanted to feel better! I wanted to know WHY! 

No one could tell me why and God certainly wasn't answering, so why should "I" give "him" the time of day?! Especially when He had to have known, yet another, loss would cause me to turn from my faith. He must have WANTED me to leave His side. So, I'd do Him a favor and leave Him alone.And I did. 

I stopped praying. I stopped reading my Bible. I would come up with any excuse I could not to have to go to church. And if I wasn't able to get out of it, I'd go through the motions, but inside I felt dead. I wasn't going to sing praise songs to a God who stole my babies from me. I wasn't going to pray to a God who seemed to answer all my prayers the opposite of what I asked for. I wasn't going to listen to a person preach about a God who THEY claimed was full of mercy and grace, when I sure didn't see His "amazing" mercy and grace in my life! 

But, then I kept hearing this still, small voice calling me back. I'd catch myself praying during the day and have to literally remind myself that I wasn't going to pray to THAT God anymore, so I'd stop. I'd talk to a friend who was going through a hard time and the next thing I knew, I was looking up a Bible verse to share with them and then remember I wasn't "supposed" to be doing that. Oh, I was in full-on rebellion all right!

Then my husband and I went on a retreat for people who have gone through the loss of their babies. I'll write more about that retreat another time, I'm sure, but tonight, I just want to say that this retreat caused me to come back to God, just as this passage talks about. When troubles came, I turned my back on God. But, "in future days" I came back to Him. And I'm trying to listen obediently to what He says.

I may never know why my babies had to die in my womb. But, you know what I do know? I know that God IS a compassionate God. I know that God DIDN'T abandon me. I know that God DIDN'T bring me to ruin. And yes... I know that God STILL loves me.

Numbers 14:18

"God, slow to get angry and huge in loyal love, forgiving iniquity
and rebellion and sin; Still, never just whitewashing sin. 

But extending the fallout of parents' sins to children into 

the third, even the fourth generation." 

Numbers 14:18 (The Message)

The 2nd part of this verse used to cause me so much angst. How can children be held accountable for their parents' sin?! What kind of a God would do that?! Then, I realized how true this is. Think about it - generational sins DO happen. I mean, how many children from abusive homes grow up to become abusive parents themselves? No, not every single one, but very, very many do. How many children from alcoholic families grow up to become alcoholics? A lot. How many children who have thieves or murderers for parents grow up to become thieves and murderers?

THAT is generational sin, folks. However, just because we may come from families with these issues, doesn't mean we are doomed to a life of addiction and crime. God's forgiveness, grace and mercy can set us free. If you're a Christian who has things like these in your past - ask the Lord to set you free from those past sins of your family. He can and He will do so!

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for over 30 yrs. He's also a former smoker (something else that very often gets passed down from generation to generation). My dad is also a Christian who has sought forgiveness for his past and received it. I firmly believe that because of this, I have been set free from the possibility of being an alcoholic. Does this mean I should go out and drink as much as I want? No way! But, I can have a glass of wine and not NEED more.

I am also a former smoker, who tried again and again to stop smoking. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my son that I was finally able to break free from that - and that was because I prayed and begged God to make me get horribly sick if I ever smoked again. I tried it again after he was born and got horribly sick. God set me free! Why? Because I asked his forgiveness. 

God's love is extravagant and he is a loyal God.

Matthew 9:12-13

One of my favorites - after the Pharisees judged Jesus for hanging out with sinners, Jesus said, 

"Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out 

what this Scripture means: 

'I'm after mercy, not religion.' I'm here to invite outsiders, 

not coddle insiders." 

Matthew 9:12-13 (The Message) 

God wants to show us mercy. He doesn't care about how well we practice our religion. He wants us to reach out to the lost of this world, not just make the Christians in our own churches feel better. Man - I love this passage!