What is "Building A House"?

"Building A House" is a blog about my journey back to God. The name comes from Proverbs 24:3-4 (The Message), "It takes wisdom to build a house, and understanding to set it on a firm foundation; it takes knowledge to furnish its rooms with fine furniture and beautiful draperies."

No, this isn't going to be a blog about making my house look pretty - at least not pretty on the OUTSIDE. But, I'm going to be working on getting my house
"pretty" on the SPIRITUAL side. I'm coming back from a pretty dark place in my life after losing 8 babies to miscarriage. This blog is about my journey back
to the Lord.

Monday, March 19, 2012

1 Samuel 1:15-16

"...I'm a woman hard used. I haven't been drinking...
The only thing I've been pouring out is my heart,
pouring it out to God.
Don't for a minute think I'm a bad woman.
It's because I'm so desperately unhappy 
and in such pain that I've stayed here so long."
1 Samuel 1:15-16 (The Message)

I've been stuck in my reading of the Old Testament ever since I got to 1 Samuel. This is such a difficult book for me to read. I find solace in this book. But, I also find bitterness in my heart when I read this book. Haven't I cried out to God for a baby? Why did God answer Hannah's prayer, but not my own? What have I done wrong? Is my faith not strong enough? Is my worship not good enough? 

No, God hasn't answered the cry of my heart by blessing me with another baby. But, what he has done is given me peace about it. Sure, I have days - like today - where my heart aches to have a baby of my own. But, despite that ache - which may or may not always be there - I have a sense of peace. 

My self-worth isn't determined by how many children I have. My salvation isn't determined by how many "arrows" are in my "quiver". I am loved by God simply because He created me. I have salvation in Christ simply because I believe that He died on the cross for ME. And this is enough for me. If I had no spouse, if I had no children, I would still be a beloved daughter of the King. And that is what brings me joy. That is what eases my pain. I stayed with the Lord long enough that he was able to heal my aching heart and show me what is truly important. 

Praise be to God!

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