"The ancient God is home on a foundation of everlasting arms."
Deuteronomy 33:27 (The Message)
When I read this verse, I felt such a sense of peace. God is home. Reading my Bible every day has made me feel like I am coming back home. These last several years I have felt so distant from God. It was all my own doing, although I tended to blame God for feeling so far away from him. It's easy to do that, don't you think? But, seriously, how am I supposed to feel close to God when I'm not doing anything to allow him in?
I wouldn't pray. Oh, I said I "couldn't" pray, but the reality is that I wouldn't even try. I wouldn't read my Bible. Again, I said I "couldn't" but I wouldn't even attempt to open it. If I picked it up at all, it was to move it to a different part of the room or because I wanted to throw it across the room in anger. I would go to church, but my heart wasn't there. My mind was arguing with everything the pastor said. He'd say, "God is a loving God" and my mind would say, "Oh really? If what he's done for me is 'loving' then I want nothing to do with a god like that!"
I pushed God out of my life. I even told him to stay out of my business because I could do a better job than he obviously could. I was in full-on rebellion. And I knew it. And I lived in fear every day. I didn't know if I would go to heaven if I died that day. And since I was borderline suicidal, well.. let's just say fear was my ruler.
I'm so thankful that the Lord gently led me back to him. He didn't force me. No one told me I had to get back to God. (Partly because no one really knew where my heart was. I have no doubt that a couple certain friends, had they known exactly where my heart was and just how far into rebellion I had gotten, they would have lovingly, yet firmly, set me straight. I just have awesome friends like that!) It was all God's doing. And he gets all the glory for my life today.
His everlasting arms lovingly wrapped me in up in love and forgiveness. He has brought me "home" to him. And he is my foundation.