"Is there anyone around to save Israel? God turns life around.
Turned-around Jacob skips rope, turned-around Israel sings laughter."
Psalm 53:6 (The Message)
"God turns life around." Oh boy! Does he ever! In my "old" life, I was a smoker. A person who used the most foul language. I starved myself, among other self-destructive behaviors. I was on a slow path to death. And, probably like the Israelites, I considered myself to be a girl who loved God. I'm sure if you asked the Israelites back then, "Do you love God?" they'd have answered yes. Even though they were breaking so many, if not all, of God's commands.
I did love God. And I also knew the things I was doing were wrong. I often thought, "Oh, if only I was born Catholic. I could become a nun and live in the Church every day.", because church was the only place I felt I was truly "good". I didn't curse at church. I didn't smoke at church. I felt like I was a good, little Christian girl at church. And I figured, if I could just never leave church, then I would measure up to God's standards.
Then I realized that I don't have to live at church to measure up. All I had to do was truly accept Jesus. When I did that, suddenly, everything else just fell into place. I quit smoking because I wanted to protect the life within me (my bio son), not because I felt like I was a horrible sinner. I quit cursing because I realized I didn't want my son's first word to be *$*@)!, not because I felt like God would never accept me if I talked like that.
You see, God had accepted me - just as I was. I didn't need to be a good person before he would accept me! I just needed to accept His love for me - sent through His Son, Jesus Christ!
Did I change overnight? *chuckle* No way! It has taken almost 13 years to change! Do I still slip up and sin? Each and every day! No, I don't smoke anymore (praise God!) but I have days where I might scoot closer to a smoker just so I can get a whiff. Do I still curse occasionally. Yes, I do but it's a whole lot better than it was! Do I still struggle with an eating disorder? Nope! This is one area where God has completely and totally healed me! I still struggle sometimes with feeling overweight (and it doesn't help that Wii Fit tells me I am LOL) but I am no longer able to skip meals - even if I desperately want to. I don't understand it myself, but I am physically not able to not eat. Sometimes that makes me so frustrated, but honestly - I feel free. And I praise God for that!
The picture of myself I used for this blog truly is what I feel like inside. I am free! God has turned my life around and I can skip (ok, so not really because I have a bum knee, but my heart skips for joy, if that counts for anything!) and I can laugh on a daily basis now - because of what Christ has done for me. My life today is so amazing and I am so incredibly blessed!