"...Cling tightly to the Lord your God..."
Joshua 23:8a (NLT)
Satan is attacking me. I've been faithful to read God's Word every day, looking for ways the Lord might be speaking to me. Silly me... I forgot that when we're following God's will for us, *that* is when Satan will attack. As I said in my last blog post, which you'll notice has been several days, I sinned in a great way against one of my children - using words that were meant to hurt. I'd been doing so well in guarding my tongue and then one day, for no real reason at all, I just snapped. Satan is sneaky. And boy - did he sneak up on me!
Since that day, I have been fighting with guilt and shame. I've felt unworthy to read my Bible. Unworthy to pray to God. Unworthy, even, to be in my own home. And you know what? That is Satan! My friends have been telling me this for days now, but I haven't been able to fight it. Finally, this evening, I realized that even if I don't feel worthy, I need to believe in the Truth of what the Bible says. And that Truth states that God loves me. That it is Jesus who makes me worthy, not any act of my own! I realized that I need to keep in the Word, even though I felt I didn't deserve to be in the Word.
So, I opened my Bible and this verse is what I read. "Cling tightly to the Lord your God." How do I cling tightly? By continuing to read the Word despite what Satan is trying to get me to believe. By praying to God despite feeling like I'm a hypocrite. And to get myself to church despite thinking that if people there knew what I had said to my child they would throw me out in a heartbeat. I mean, seriously! We're all sinners here! My mom said it so wonderfully in an email to me the other day, "God has forgiven you so who are you not to forgive yourself?"
My therapist says, "Belief is faith. We cannot live our lives based on our feelings. We believe and then our feelings follow." (Or something like that.) So, what can I do with that? I can decide that, today, I am going to choose to believe what God's Word says - that I am forgiven and I am loved - even if my feelings don't match that Truth.
"Lord God, thank you for forgiving me and loving me despite my sins.
Help my feelings line up with your Truth. Amen."